Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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