I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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