the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
