Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
