I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
