He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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