I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
