i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
