All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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