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FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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