I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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