New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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