Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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