it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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