Apparently you make a good broom.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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