i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Where are you guys?
Drunk
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
