You just made me feel so damn special
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
