I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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