My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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