We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
