So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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