I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
