Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize