Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
