If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize