Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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