He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
