it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
should my penis look like a turkey
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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