also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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