they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
