i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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