Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
