I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
