dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
