I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Can I color on your dick again?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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