i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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