tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
