Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
