i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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