its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
