you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
