did you get engaged???
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
