Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize