Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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