need another drink. this is the easiest way
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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