i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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