I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
