The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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