I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
