i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
