I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
