So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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