his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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