what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
