Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize