please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
