Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
