I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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