You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
