we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
