do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize