I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
