Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
