Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
