I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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