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• (763): View more from Minnesota

  So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time

  (1-763): View more from Minnesota

  Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.

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• (310): View more from California

  Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?

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• (407): View more from Florida

  Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them

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• (575): View more from New Mexico

  I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi

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• (914): View more from New York

  I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.

  (1914): View more from

  You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"

  (404): View more from Georgia

  That is so sad.

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol

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• (940): View more from Texas

  I fuckin love you!

  (214): View more from Texas

  I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.

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