I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
