it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
