She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
