my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
