I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
