I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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