My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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