I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
