She announced her abortion via fbk
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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