So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
