definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
