I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
