what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize