It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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