Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
