i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
