Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
