we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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