I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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