She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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