dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
