i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
its not stalking. its research.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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