Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
you will always have a special place in my vag
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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