Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
