You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
