Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
