you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
