sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
