I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
