you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize