the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
