Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
