Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
